The Fear of Conflict
One of the top reasons people decide to sign-up for The Loop of Confidence training is because they have a fear of conflict. How do you know you have a fear of conflict? If you find yourself avoiding situations and people or you feel uneasy for what you have to say and do because you think you will be challenged, receive push back, get a negative reaction/response or be disliked than you are guilty of having a fear of conflict.
In a grown-up, mature and trusting world we would all be able to have open and equal discussions where each person could express their true needs and desires and each person would be able negotiate, agree and even argue without fears of repercussions. We might not live in that world, but we also don’t live in a world where the opposite is true either. You will not find yourself in a conflict every time you have something to say, provide your input or feedback or express yourself.
Like many fears, the fear of conflict is primarily based in your own thoughts. You fear the reaction of others and how those reactions may or may not make you feel. You probably automatically assume that someone will have some sort of negative reaction and engage in a conflict with you. You might also avoid providing insightful feedback, comments, criticism, or ask questions because you think you are going to make the other person feel uncomfortable or hurt.
Whether it’s in your personal or professional life, avoiding conflicts and burying your head in the sand does not serve you well at all. You either become a total push-over, a “Yes, guy or gal” or someone with a lot of buried anger and frustrations. It’s much better to address the situations you avoid because of your fear of conflict than pay the price that comes from avoiding conflict.
Overcoming Your Fear of Conflict with Confidence
Self-confident people don’t have a fear of conflict because they don’t approach the situation (whatever the situation might be) assuming that it will turn into a conflict. Rather, they approach situations prepared to properly articulate and communicate the situation while remaining calm and confident. Confident people don’t lose their cool, make anyone feel insecure, threaten or bad. This links back to confident people knowing who they are, and them being comfortable and secure with who they are and what they stand for. Confident people don’t paint the worst outcome in their minds – they imagine and seed positive outcomes and that’s normally what they get.
Put the time and effort into developing your self-confidence and watch your fear of conflict melt away.
Accept There’s Nothing Wrong with Conflict
Again, conflict has a bad reputation because of the outcomes and things we imagine in our own private thoughts. Truth is…there’s nothing wrong with conflict if at the end of it the people involved are willing to listen and understand each other even if they don’t agree. What’s important is remaining calm, properly expressing yourself and not intentionally hurting the others involved. Understanding conflict for what it is…not the end of the world but rather a slight misunderstanding or disagreement goes a long way. It’s also okay for someone to be mad at you – it’s okay for them to have to work through their thoughts and emotions. (I realize this is much easier said than done). Your thoughts, fears and emotions make conflict ugly, uncomfortable and hard to deal with. Ultimately, a “conflict” is a situation where a conversation needs to take place and a resolution needs to be implemented.
I recommend reading Overcome that Fear of Confrontation by Mark Tyrell for additional steps in facing your fear of conflict.
Stop procrastinating! Sign-up Now for an upcoming Loop of Confidence Course and finally develop the true and impeccable self-confidence you want and deserve.