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Ten Fallacies People Tell About Self-Confidence

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The study and understanding of self-confidence is my life – part of who I am and it’s what I do.  I often come across misinformation on the web, on social media sites and forums about self-confidence.  I decided to go ahead and write this post to highlight the top ten fallacies I have heard and comes across over the last couple of years.

Ten Fallacies People Tell About Self-Confidence

1.  Self-confidence and self-esteem are the same – They most definitely are not. Self-confidence is what you believe in yourself, your abilities, skills, powers, judgment and potential. Self-esteem is what you think of yourself and it’s quite superficial in nature and requires you to compare yourself to others and to “standards”. Self-confident people have high self-esteem however, they can also “feel” bad about themselves and still feel be full of confidence. Self-esteem is threaten by discovering you might not be what you thought you were or what others told you; you were. Self-confidence is built on becoming more than you thought you were.

2. You can fake it until you make it – If you are fake, what you’ll become is a fake.  You are what you do and think and if what you do is fake…don’t expect it to miraculously become real. Instead of “faking” it, decide you are going to actually do it.  You are going to actually face your fears, step into the unknown, and be more assertive. Be real about it!

3. Self-confident people are arrogant – Self-confident people have nothing to prove so they can’t be arrogant. They might be perceived that way by arrogant and or very insecure people because they won’t engage in unnecessary drama and stupidity. Self-confident people will walk away from drama and gossip because they have better things to do with their time and they make positive not negative investment in their well being and thought process.

4. A smile and eye contact are signs of confidence – People who are out there faking it are smiling and making eye contact…need I say more?!? Okay, yes, confident people smile and make eye contact – it’s a byproduct of being secured in who you are but to find the really confident people…you need find those who are looking their worst and still smiling, still making eye contact and still carrying themselves with confidence.

5.  A pretty outfit/looking good will give you self-confidence – Feeling good because you look good will give you a boost to your self-esteem and that gets confused with self-confidence. Because you look good you might be more energize and empowered but if it’s all based on the fact that you look good today – what happens if you get caught in the rain and your hair, makeup and outfit get ruined?  You’ll feel like crap, deflated and you’ll want to go hide.  That is not the actions or thoughts of a confident person.

6. I’m confident in only some areas of my life – I hear this a lot from people, they want to sell me on their confidence at work or some other area of their lives but are afraid in my other area of their lives.  That is  NOT true and impeccable self-confidence. A truly confident person doesn’t designate areas in their lives in which they are confident – they are confident in all areas of their lives, all the time.

7. People with good looks, money and power are confident – The biggest impostors and folks with self-confidence issues are people with money, good looks and power.  They live in fear that someday someone will discover they are not worthy of what they have…that they are fake. They might or might not have earned where they are and what they have.  If you didn’t start out with self-confidence adding layers of material things will only increase your self-doubt, not your self-confidence. A confident person who has money, power and good looks will not be attached to any of those things and will always be free to just be themselves – they do not live in fear of losing what they have or of being discovered as a fraud.

8. I was confident but someone took it away from me – If you are truly confident – NO ONE or no event can take it away from you.

9. Fat and ugly people shouldn’t have confidence – I often see this statement on twitter and it really ticks me off. It takes serious arrogance and ignorance to make such a statement and having a complete misunderstanding of what self-confidence actually is.  Looks have nothing to do with self-confidence. What you believe about yourself does. And what you believe about yourself doesn’t have to be what is currently reflected back to you – but what you know your potential to be. Achieving goals and overcoming obstacles has nothing to do with looks. Adversity doesn’t care what you look like. Perseverance doesn’t care what you look like.  Hard work doesn’t care what you look like. Knowledge doesn’t care what you like. Self-confidence comes from your inner self.

10. Other people boost my self-confidence – Perhaps this can be true…if other people help you work through challenges, your fears, self-limitations and comfort zones. However, compliments and empty praise are superficial boosts and if you can be impacted by those, than you are open and vulnerable to be impacted by negative comments and criticism. Accept compliments but take them in stride. Know who you are and be the person who provides yourself with all the compliments and love you need. If your mood and self-worth yo-yos based on other peoples’ opinions – you are not a confident person.

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