The primary key components to developing impeccable self-confidence are to achieve a high level of self-awareness, to master your thought process, face your fears, overcome your self-limitations and push your comfort zones.
In the process of developing impeccable self-confidence particularly through facing your fears and tackling your self-limitations and comfort zones you are guaranteed to encounter a little something called: Disappointment.
Failure is the ultimate generator of disappointment but you don’t need to experience failure in order to experience disappointment. Disappointment comes in all different shapes and sizes from minor to the extreme major kind connected to failure.
Disappointment is brought about and created by a variety of factors but the primary reason we experience disappointment is because of our expectations. This includes our expectations for ourselves, other people, results and outcomes. Note that this blog post does not get into expectations as they relate to your expectations of others.
It’s fair to say that disappointment is part of life but the more routine, mundane, and safe you keep your life than the more sheltered you become from experiencing disappointment. If you don’t take any risks, or chances, or ever venture out of your comfort zones…you are definitely minimizing your potential for disappointment in the process.
To build your self-confidence, like I already mentioned; you are going to have to do many things that could potentially lead to disappointment which is why one of the best way to avoid disappointment is actually to let go of your expectations (not worry about the outcome).
Detaching from the Outcome
I’m not entirely sure which one is more difficult: to master your thoughts and become a positive thinker or to learn to let go of your expectations aka., being detached from the outcome. Different people have different levels of expectations. Not surprisingly, the higher the expectations the greater the disappointment if those expectations and desired outcome are not met.
Expectations are good because they push us to be better, to want more, to look forward to things, to stand up for what we want, to express ourselves, etc. And when our expectations are met or surpassed then we feel incredibly happy. All of this is why it’s not about not having expectations but rather being detached from their outcome. It’s learning to take the good from expectations and avoiding the bad (disappointment).
There is a lot of information out there about how to detach from outcomes from Hinduism and incorporated into The Laws of Attraction but I’m going to share what I tell my clients and what works for me.
Focus on the task and always do the best you can do. Knowing that in life and in everything you do – you are giving it your best and constantly pushing and improving yourself is all that anyone can really do and accomplish.
We ultimately view outcomes as the reward for what we do and the work/effort/and energy we expanded. Outcomes than become the pay-out. If we don’t get the pay-out we expected this is when we experience disappointment. We THEN cope with disappointment by telling ourselves that we grew and learned from the experience so no matter what – it was worth it.
Tackle Everything in Life Knowing It’s Worth It. When you know ahead of time that what you are working to achieve and doing is worth it then the outcome is much easier to not worry about. Expect the best possible outcome and realize you already have it because you are in the process of pursuing something and improving who you are.
Coping with Disappointment
I hope this blog post was helpful so far but I reckon it wouldn’t be complete without mentioning a few ways to cope with disappointment since you’re likely to encounter some more on your way to learning how to let go of your expectations.
In a 2004 article, the journal Psychology Today recommended handling disappointment through concrete steps including accepting that setbacks are normal, setting realistic goals, planning subsequent moves, thinking about positive role models, seeking support and tackling tasks by stages rather than focusing on the big picture.
When I asked people on Facebook and Twitter how they cope with disappointment answers also included: finding the silver lining in the disappointment, owning the disappointment to include some wound licking and moving on, and having a drink.
Other resources I found valuable:
- Dealing with Disappointment Written by Chuck Gallozzi
- Dealing with Disappointment Written by Michael Ashworth, PHD
- Dealing with Disappointment Written by Rusty Wright
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Have you found these tips helpful? If so contact Ann Bernard, Confidence Builder here. You can also sign up for Ann’s Loop of Confidence course. This course will teach you everything you need to know to have the confidence to thrive in life and all your future adventures! Contact Ann Bernard today.
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